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Authenticity Positivity

building emotional resilience

How do you build resiliency when your world is coming apart? With everything going on, including the COVID-19 pandemic, the social isolation, and the lack of our normal lives it is hard to keep it together. We are prone to have strong and negative emotions. While you are in the grasp of strong negative emotions it may seem difficult to build any resilience to life’s less pleasurable experiences. It is possible though, and that’s a thought you should bear in mind if you are experiencing excessive negative thoughts.

How come some people give up and cry into a bottle, while others just pick themselves up, dust themselves off and carry on as if nothing happened? They’re called coping skills, and anyone can develop them. 

Flexibility and adaptation are undoubtedly two outlooks that help people recover from bad situations. Whereas someone who may feel entrenched in their negative feelings finds it harder to remove themselves from those feelings and change direction, those who are willing to see emotions as things that grip them tighter the more they focus on them, and understand how to let go and change direction quickly, come out on top. 

In a way, emotions are like quicksand. They sink and disappear.

By seeing negative events in your life as flexible, short term situations, you can more easily move on. Let’s imagine someone who sees these negative events as a fixed point in space and time (pardon the sci-fi speak, but this does make sense). To them, that disappointment they felt with themselves or that failure they felt, is a fixed point in their life. It’s always there. Nothing they can do will change that fact that there is failure and disappointment in their lives. 

Those who view situations as being temporary, will be more likely to see the same situation as a speed bump in Life’s rear view mirror. 

So what can you do to help you adopt this outlook? 

Ever poured paint into a bucket of water? That’s how negative people think. When one bad thing enters their life, it starts to spread and color everything else. They may well have been the life and soul of the party until that point, but now everything is just a mess! 

Try seeing new challenges as crayons that can be laid side-by-side with each other. Don’t dwell on the fact that you didn’t manage to manage your to-do-list today, but appreciate your accomplishments. Don’t let a temporary setback prevent you from trying again the next day. 

Just because you don’t get something done the first time doesn’t mean you won’t get it done at another point in the future. No one writes a book, paints a portrait or drives a car the first time they try. 

a positive attitude builds resilience

Let’s talk about attitude and what it has to do with your overall chances of being resilient. Having a positive outlook can be a huge help for a variety of reasons. Let’s take a closer look at how positivity can help you reach your goals and work for permanent change.

Having the right attitude helps you stay motivated. Being successful takes work, and that’s just more fun when you’re enjoying what you’re doing. While not every task, and everything that needs to be taken care of, will be your favorite task, having a positive attitude about it will help.

Start by becoming more aware of your moods and outlooks as you go about your day. Make an effort to be grateful and find the good side of things. Over time your positivity will increase, and it will help you stay on track and stay motivated.

Having a good attitude helps you overcome hurdles. It’s easy to get discouraged when things don’t go your way or fall through. We all face setbacks. We all make mistakes. How we deal with them is what set’s successful people apart from the rest. Work on your positivity and find a lesson in everything that happens. You’ll come out on the other side stronger and better than before.

Having the right attitude helps you do better work. Think back on the last time you had fun working on a project. It was much easier to get into the flow and time flew by. You enjoyed yourself, and that showed in your work. We tend to work so much better when we’re in a good mood.

It’s also easier to focus on work efficiently when you like what you’re doing. In fact, when you find that groove and that perfect project, it doesn’t feel like work at all. That’s the kind of state you want to work in most of the time.

To make all that happen, you should make an effort to work on positivity. Check your attitude and find the joy in everything you do.

1. Keeping a journal can help, it makes you focus your thoughts. You can look back and see what of the things you did worked and helped you make progress.

2. Create a file of encouragement. Fill it with positive images and motivational quotes. Include proof of your accomplishments. Browse through the file any time you need an extra boost of positivity.

Categories
Authenticity

embrace your imperfections and live a happy life

Do you constantly find yourself too wrapped up in your imperfections? If so, it could be getting in the way of a happy, fulfilled life. 

Acknowledge your imperfections

Each of us has imperfections. However, many fight against their flaws; harshly criticizing themselves for not being perfect. There is much pressure in society today to be a perfect person. Our Instagram feeds show pictures of our acquaintances and celebrities in their stylish homes with manicured lawns and swimming pools. They pose with their filtered faces and advertise products that can enhance our lives. Unfortunately, this just isn’t possible. It isn’t reality therefore we end up feeling like a failure or develop feelings of self-hatred.

Expectations and imperfections Before and After

If you want to learn to love yourself, embracing your imperfections is key. Here, we’ll look at why it’s important to embrace your imperfections and the benefits it can deliver.

Your Positive Imperfections

When you start to embrace your imperfections, you’ll start to see them more positively. There are some positives to imperfections. For example, if you suffer with anxiety, you may beat yourself up for not being able to do certain things that come easy to others. However, a positive of anxiety is that it can make you more empathetic. That is a great trait to have in an often-cruel world.

Flaws can be considered more attractive than you might realize. So, start to look for the positives in your flaws and realize that everyone has them.

Feel Free

When you are caught up on your imperfections, it can make you feel trapped under constant pressure. By embracing them, it helps to set you free. Nothing is more freeing than living your life without the constant weight of your own expectations. Once you accept your flaws, you’ll feel like a weight can be lifted.

Focus on Who You Are

When you are focused on your imperfections, it can stop you being who you truly are. It causes you to chase an ideal that you aren’t ever going to live up to. However, when you let go of your imperfections, your authentic self will start to shine through. 

If you feel like you have lost who you wanted to be, start letting go of your need to be perfect. 

Living Healthier

Living your life focused on your imperfections isn’t healthy. It impacts your perspective on things, causing you to make choices you wouldn’t necessarily make if you weren’t caught up on your flaws.

Stressing over the things that you are not, can have a negative impact on your health. If you want to improve your overall health and wellbeing, you’ll want to start embracing your imperfections.

These are some of the reasons why you need to learn to embrace your flaws. While it may be difficult, with practice you can start to think more positively about your imperfections. Remember, nobody in life is perfect, not even you and you are never going to be. The sooner you accept this and know that it’s fine, the better your life will become. 

Categories
Authenticity Positivity

the hidden dangers of being too nice 

A genuinely decent or ‘nice’ person has always been a blessing to those they come in contact with. It’s an admirable quality that anybody would simply wish to have more access to, especially to balance the spite and hate that can sometimes seem to be predominant. 

Terrible news happening every day has never been so widely broadcast. People have never been more divided in what they believe in and in proving themselves right, sometimes reaching a point of violence. 

The world could really make use of some altruism and genuine kindness today. The glaring truth is, we would simply live better if there were more good-hearted people around in our midst.

But when you’re a good and decent person who is simply too nice to the point of excess, it can often bring you more harm than good. 

This falls into two parts:

  1. there are always others who will take advantage of another’s good nature.
  2. when these ‘nice’ behaviors are manifest for the wrong reasons, it can be an unhealthy barrier to self-growth. 

There are apparent risks and hidden dangers of being excessively nice.

  • Growing resentment that you are unable to express.

Being too available to others and overly generous of yourself and your time can impact your self-worth and confidence. While you’re busy attending to everyone else’s needs, you have most likely forgotten your own, or given them a lower priority.

This may cause you to experience feelings of resentment towards situations and people. But as an overly nice person, you will be unlikely to express how you feel, as you’re afraid to rock the boat. This is a very unhealthy cycle you may find difficulty getting out of. As a result, your self-esteem can suffer.

  • You can attract the wrong type of people into your life.

People may come to you only when they need and want something, knowing they can easily benefit from you without you expecting anything in return. This is a sad situation to be in, but it is not so uncommon for overly nice people. The result? You end up attracting people who don’t have your best interests at heart or even worse toxic people.

  • People will not trust and respect you as you expect they should.

For many people, for various reasons, trust and respect are not freely given but must be earned. Sometimes, if you so generously trust others without them earning it, you’ll lose your high value. These people can then disappoint you and disrespect you. 

They know that won’t be a problem because you’re too nice even to get mad. In the end, they will keep disrespecting you due to your lack of boundaries. When you are a person who trusts others easily, this can be bewildering and painful.

  • You develop unrealistic expectations of others.

Being a naturally nice person can bring out the naïveté in us as we may inherently believe that other people have the same regard for our welfare as we would for theirs. The truth is, it does not always work that way. 

Sometimes, you will need to be very transparent at communicating your expectations to make some relationships work. If not, you’ll just end up resenting someone because they weren’t properly briefed at the onset.

  • People will take advantage of you.

People are people, and even though they may not always have bad intentions at first, many are nevertheless opportunistic. They can easily take you for granted if you do not assert yourself enough. Worse, they’ll take advantage of you because you’re too nice and may even use it against you.

For a person who lacks malice and sees the best in others, it can seem to be a cruel world when your ‘niceness’ is taken advantage of, spurned, or used against you. Sadly, this is a common occurrence – and to the best of people with good intentions. 

Photo by elifskies on Pexels.com

Before you openly extend yourself so generously to others, make sure you practice self-love first. Being a nice person with a genuine concern for the welfare of others is a very admirable trait, but it also requires a degree of resilience. Be your best self to others, but don’t blindly expect reciprocation.

Always remember to respect and love yourself. Have some boundaries for people to respect. If you do this, being a nice person will better work to your advantage and happiness. 

Listen to this brief audio to learn how to take ownership of your actions and feelings:

Categories
Authenticity

how to be authentic in 4 minutes or less

Do you know that many people who are ultra-successful walk around with imposter syndrome? They are by all accounts accomplished, but they feel terrible because they don’t think they deserve it. They feel like a total fake. People with imposter syndrome feel as if everything they are doing is a fluke and at any moment someone else is going to find out about the truth. If you feel that way sometimes, use these tips to overcome imposter syndrome.

  1. If You Think Success Was Too Easy Think Again

If you are feeling as if your success was too easy to come by compared to what you thought it would take before you experienced it, this can be a reason you experience imposter syndrome. Think again. You feel fraudulent because it was simple to achieve, and you now think it’s not even that special because anyone can do it.

The way to deal with this erroneous feeling is to look at some stats. How many people in your situation have achieved what you have achieved? You’re likely to find out that not as many people have succeeded doing what youíre doing as you think. This information alone should help you realize that you had to be responsible at least a little for your achievement. Even if other people could do it if they wanted to, you did it – they did not.

2. If You Think No One Is Self-Made So You Don’t Deserve Kudos

Everyone gets some form of help, whether it’s the zip code they’re born in or meeting the right people at the right time, or something else. Even if itís just being able to drive to and from work, someone had to build the roads, and you had to be born being able to see to do it. Therefore, someone helped and youíre not totally self-made.

So guess what. No one is self-made. But, everyone has some part in their own success. It doesnít matter if you were born on first base, third base, or not even on the field; you are responsible for your actions from where you found yourself to where you are now.

You deserve kudos for it. You deserve the life you are building and itís okay to accept that you value the things you have achieved, and you could not have done it without making the choices you made. Even if someone gave you a million dollars, you had choices. You could blow that million dollars or you could invest it and turn it into a billion dollars. Either way, you are where you are now due to your own choices at the time.

3. You Have Value

The hard thing for people who have imposter syndrome to understand is the value they provide by being who they are. Even if 100,000 people are doing what you want to do, you provide a unique input and value to your version of that thing that no one else can ever provide. This means that even if you are making money selling blue jeans, which are everywhere, your jeans are special because you came up with the idea.

Anytime you can provide something for someone, it is valuable (and that value is in the eye of the beholder); it doesnít matter if itís a commodity or if itís totally 100 percent unique. Your special touch adds just enough value to make it worthwhile to you and to others. When you accept your value to the world, you’ll be able to let go of imposter syndrome and instead of asking, “why me?” you’ll start asking “why not me?”.

Overcoming imposter syndrome is to accept that you are important as you are, that you offer something special even if itís similar to others, and that you are valuable in your own right. You are valuable just because you exist and the things you do add value to the lives around you, even if it is not totally original or new. To overcome imposter syndrome, try to be your authentic self.

Authentic Self

How do some people pretend to be something or someone they aren’t? Often in social situations, people act differently than they do with their close friends and family. However, it’s important to stay true to who you are, to be your authentic self.

It’s natural that people want to be accepted but the key to staying true to yourself is not worrying too much about what others think or believe. People should accept you for who you are. Don’t waste your time on toxic people who don’t accept it:

  1. You can’t live up to the person you are pretending to be. 
    If you aren’t being your authentic self, you will falter at some point. It’s not a matter of if, but when. Did you ever notice that people who lie, often tell a different story later? This is because they won’t remember what the story was in the past and have no choice but to make up new details. If you are pretending to be someone you are not, this is essentially the same as lying.
  2. Know who you are. 
    It’s important to know yourself. This may seem like an obvious statement, but many people don’t know who they are. Dig deep to discover the subtle aspects of your life that you tend to ignore or keep hidden. There is no need to hide your true personality because that is who you are. You can’t change that.
  3. Stop trying to be someone else. 
    Everyone has people they look up to. However, looking up to someone and trying to be them is not the same. It’s worthwhile to emulate some of their desirable traits, but make sure you aren’t stepping outside of who you are deep down.
  4. Don’t compromise on your values
    If you believe in something, stand firm. Sometimes, you’ll have no choice to make some compromises, but don’t cave in if they go against your beliefs. You must live with these choices. You want to be able to sleep at night.
  5. Negativity should not be a character trait you accept. 
    You won’t get far with negativity. If you are a negative person, this is not who you truly are. Remember, you don’t come out of the womb being negative. It’s something you learn. It’s time to unlearn it.
  6. Keep a Journal. 
    Keeping a journal is one of the best ways to figure out “who you are”. People often find that it is easier to be honest when writing down their thoughts. A journal will allow you to reflect on who you are, and then you can act accordingly. 

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