There are several benefits to leading a life of optimism. Research shows those people who choose to be positive bounce back more quickly when getting sick, are more resilient in life in general, sleep better and even live longer. While this is wonderful news for us as individuals, how does optimism impact our relationships?
How Does Being Optimistic Affect Those Around You?
While there are tons of benefits to being optimistic for ourselves such as being resilient, having optimum health, a balanced mindset, and an overall sense of well-being, there are plenty of benefits for our relationships too.
Optimism impacts relationships. When we are optimistic, we spread good cheer and are more approachable. We have the power and potential to set and influence the tone of our day at work, school, home, as well as in social settings.
Have you ever been excited to go on an outing and someone else in your group is acting like a “Debby Downer”? To tell you the truth, this happens to me quite often. Debby makes immediate impact by taking everyone else in the group down a negative spiral. Maybe you have been greeted by an employee in a store who is downright rude. How do we meet that attitude? If we match upset with upset, now we have two angry individuals.
If we meet upset with calm and patience, we not only impact our inner being but theirs as well. This is a true win-win situation.
Think about it. The adage “Happiness is contagious” does stem from optimism.
In addition to setting the tone in family, friendship, and even work relationships, optimism gives us the power of positive expectations. Worry about a relationship ending and it is as if this will be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Take on being secure and confident, and just watch your romantic relationships thrive. Being optimistic in your ability to resolve conflict and problem solve together will make for a happier, healthier relationship.
Is there such a thing as overdoing optimism? Getting stuck in traffic when you are already running late or spilling your latte on your shirt on the way out the door are all bumps in the road of a busy life. Pretending that it does not matter or isn’t frustrating is not the best course of action. Being around someone who is “too nice” or “pleasant all the time” can have an impact on our relationships. If you’ve ever been around someone who is always happy all the time, you might find it to be a bit irritating. You might even think that they are not being authentic.
Having a personality that is optimistic yet real is a wonderful invitation for other people to be real and be optimistic as well. It is perfectly normal to get upset and frustrated, but a true optimist will feel those negative feelings of frustration, take action, and move on with their day. Staying too high on positivity gives the idea that negative feelings are fine to stuff down and suppress and staying angry all day because of one negative incident that morning doesn’t work either.
A true optimist knows it is perfectly acceptable to get frustrated and move on just as quickly. How does this have a positive impact on your relationships? When an optimist is a role model of gracefully navigating all of life’s ups and downs, other people are positively impacted, as well. When you are optimistic, you shine your light and invite other people to do the same.
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When you experience strong negative emotions, it may seem difficult to build any resilience to difficult life experiences. How can some people give up while others just pick themselves up, keep calm and carry on as if nothing happened? The secret on how to overcome negativity is to use coping skills that are flexible and that you can adapt to your situation. You can learn to use mindfulness, and develop 9 positive attitudes to overcome negativity in this guide
Use Mindfulness Coping Skills
Be Flexible
By seeing negative events in your life as flexible, short term situations, you can more easily move on. Let’s imagine someone who sees these negative events with a fixed mindset. To them, that disappointment they felt with themselves or that failure they felt, is static. It’s always there. Nothing they can do will change their story of the event fact and the disappointment in their lives.
Someone who may feel entrenched in their negative feelings finds it harder to remove themselves from those feelings and change direction. It’s like getting stuck in a ditch. Those people who are willing to see emotions as passing understand how to let go and change direction quickly. They find solutions to jump over the ditch by building a positive mindset. Those people who build a positive mindset learn how to overcome negativity faster.
So what can you do to help you adopt this outlook?
Learn to Accept and Adapt
When one bad thing enters their life, it starts to spread like an illness. It makes you use up all your energy by over focusing on the negativity. The negativity spreads from one task to the next. You are unable to get anything done since you are exhausted from negativity. Sound familiar? Now everything is just a mess! It’s time to learn to accept and adaptand this starts by recognizing the situation.
Just because you don’t get something done the first time doesn’t mean you won’t get it done at another point in the future. No one writes a book, paints a portrait or drives a car the first time they try.
Mindfulness
When you’re working on something and it causes you to think negatively about a task, mindfulness can center your thoughts. It gives you a calm feeling. It can help you overcome negativity.
Using mindfulness techniques, you can maintain a clear focus on your goal. You will be able to make better choices to increase your productivity by simply unleashing your intuition. That means that you’ll focus on thoughts, ideas, and you will take positive action. Mindfulness prevents you from having to overthink situations.
Improves Focus
Mindfulness improves focus. It lessens anxiety which can derail your productivity. It allows you to keep moving forward. Mindfulness enables you to find an inner satisfaction which lets you be fully engaged in the task.
Improves Social Interactions
This will make a difference not only in what you get done but in how you get it done. Your interactions with others and with yourself will help you learn how to overcome negativity and change for the positive. Observe how you carry yourself in social interactions.
Improves Creativity
You’ll gain a greater sense of commitment for the follow through. Mindfulness is a technique that can be used to improve your cognitive skills. This unleashes your thought processes to free your creativity.
So, you learn to act rather than to react. With mindfulness comes a greater sense of confidence in your abilities and in your skills. Rather than think negatively you’ll learn to foster a can-do attitude toward whatever you’re doing.
Work On Your Attitude
Having the right attitude helps you overcome negativity. Start by becoming more aware of your moods as you go about your day. Make an effort to be grateful and find the good side of things. Over time your positivity will increase, and it will help you stay on track and stay motivated.
We all face setbacks. We all make mistakes. How we deal with them is what set’s successful people apart from the rest. Work on your positivity and find a lesson in everything that happens. You’ll come out on the other side stronger and better than before.
Check your attitude and find the joy in everything you do. Keeping a journal can help, it makes you focus your thoughts. You can look back and see what of the things you worked and helped you make progress. Another powerful tip is to write. Create a journal or file of encouragement. Fill it with positive images and motivational quotes. Browse through the journal or file any time you need an extra boost of positivity.
9 Ways to Build A Positive Attitude
1. Purpose
Highly positive people are able to comprehend and internalize the bigger picture. They see how their work fits into the whole, and therefore don’t start feeling like the smaller components of the journey are meaningless.
2. Optimism
Positive and motivated people envision a future. They gain energy to aim for a happy outcome. They are able to overcome setbacks from negativity.
3. Self-Esteem
It’s hard to do anything when you don’t feel like you can do it. But positive and motivated people know their strengths, and they believe in themselves. They also acknowledge their weaknesses and grow from them.
4. Energy
Positive people have the requisite energy—mental, physical, or emotional—to move forward to overcome negativity.
5. Persistence
People with high levels of positivity are motivated. They don’t just give up when the going gets tough. They buckle down for the ride.
6. Perspective
Highly positive and people don’t get it twisted with the small stuff. They know how to sort through life’s concerns and ignore the little things that could pull them off course.
7. Self-Reflection
Positive and motivated people reflect on the process and move forward with intelligence and strategy.
8. Humility
A humble person will have an easier time carrying out their plan, taking feedback, and adjusting course as necessary. Their attitude is more positive. They will not be offended—their eyes are on the prize, and they’ll take the help they need to get there.
9. Give Yourself Reasons to Celebrate
Positive and motivated people enjoy success and they celebrate it. They appreciate the hard work just done, and look forward to a new journey.
How To Overcome Negativity
If you are dealing with deep-rooted anger, then to overcome negativity consider healthy ways to deal with your anger. Sometimes it’s good and right to get mad. Positive change can come from being angry at injustice or inequality. Righteous or justified anger from being mistreated can be a great motivator for change.
But if you’ve had bad experiences of anger, for instance, poor role models in your childhood, you might experience anger as a destructive bomb. Learning anger management so you can be in control of angry feelings can have a positive effect on your relationships. Here are some expert strategies to help you manage your anger.
1. Understand Yourself
Understanding why you’re angry and where it’s coming from is key. Maybe you’re stressed and grumpy, fatigued, or unwell. Perhaps the reason for your anger is apparent.
Once you understand your anger and its sources, you can start to deal with it by eliminating the negative.
2. Write It Down
Turning your feelings into words is a powerful act. Just write whatever comes into your head, even if it doesn’t make sense.
The act of writing down your thoughts stops them from running in circles in your head and gets them down on paper. Chances are they might not even seem so big or insurmountable. You might even begin to see patterns, so you can understand what triggers your angry feelings.
3. Take Action
Once you know what’s making you angry, you can plan workarounds for it. Be aware of your triggers and minimize them. For instance, get enough sleep, and exercise and take time out for self-care.
You won’t be able to avoid being angry sometimes, but you can take control, so you’re not vulnerable to anger and frustration.
4. Don’t Brood
Brooding on the cause of your anger is actively unhelpful. It keeps you stuck in those negative feelings, keeps you stuck in victim mode, and keeps you powerless.
Brooding is also bad for your blood pressure. You build up a constant stress response within your body. Adrenaline which is excellent in an emergency, spikes with brooding.
5. Don’t Rehash Anger
Talking over your problems can be helpful if you share with a trusted friend. But be careful to keep it focused, or you might end up rehashing your troubles over and over again. Like brooding, complaining can keep you from moving forward and finding solutions to your problems.
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What does mindful living mean to me? Mindful living means to live in the moment. Through mindful living I am being conscious, and aware of my present using all my senses. It means that I’m not living in the past nor am I worrying about what the future will be.
When I concentrate on being in the present, I focus my attention on the task at hand. I give my undivided attention and let go of the outcome. Seizing the moment allows me to make each moment more meaningful and valuable.
Of course, this does not mean that I will forget about planning and setting goals. I should be able to do all these things and at the same time enjoy being in the present. For instance, through the act of setting a goal to exercise each day, I am living in the now. I enjoy planning the process, such as brainstorming ideas for exercise, taking advice from friends, or setting an appointment with a personal trainer.
Great Expectations
Everyday we place huge expectations on ourselves. We are always on the go and rushing from place to place. Sometimes we move from task to task and never enjoy the process. Haven’t you noticed that we tend to be completely oblivious to why we carry out in such a way?
We don’t stop and think about where we are. We miss the point of just being there. Instead, we should rely on the power of mindfulness.
When we live in the past, hanging onto hurtful experiences we are inflicting pain onto ourselves. Mindful living is about releasing that pain and finding pleasure in the simple things.
Living in the now means that you need to trust in the future. You are positive and optimistic in the present. By this simple act of being, you open to the possibility of a promising future.
What does mindful living mean to me?
Mindful living in the now allows me to begin to notice the beauty and wonder of the moment and the surrounding things. I learn how to focus and manage my energy on what is most important. This is just one of the benefits of living in the now.
Living in the moment is beneficial in many ways. From physical health to your mental status, being mindful enhances life. Here are several ways living in the moment benefits us:
By reducing stress and anxiety we are able to avoid the health consequences associated with them. This includes high blood pressure, heart disease and obesity.
Being mindful improves our psychological well-being because we are more in tune with what is happening around and within you.
Improved Relationships
Most of us have been with someone who is with us physically, but their mind is a million miles away. This makes the relationship extremely difficult. But when we are with someone who is fully present, the experience is enjoyable and it creates a deeper connection. By living in the now, we can be the person others enjoy being with and make your relationships easier.
Better self-control
When we are living in the moment, we are in better control over our mind, your body and your emotions. We no longer have a racing mind and unpredictable emotions controlling our life.
Better focus
Living a mindful life allows us to stay focused on what’s happening in the present. We are not worrying about what happened in the past or stressing about what might happen in the future. We are able to focus fully on the now.
Healthier choices
Being mindful helps us make healthier food choices because we are paying attention to what we choose to eat and how much you eat. Food tastes better because we are paying attention to all the sensations of each bite. We savor each bite by putting your fork down between bites.
Better decisions
Living in the now helps us make better decisions. We are more aware of your circumstances and opportunities.
Feeling less overwhelmed
Living in the now helps us see what needs to be done now instead of being overwhelmed by the scope of a large project.
Feeling less stress
We are more in tune with the world around us instead of being lost in your own thoughts all the time. We are able to identify what bothers us and not stress over it.
Living in the moment has an abundant number of benefits that can help us improve our life. It helps us stay healthier, have less stress and be more aware of each moment of the day. The way that we conduct ourselves in our personal and professional life begins with how we use your mind. We can teach our mind to accept ourselves and gain empowerment – or we can stay stuck in self-defeating behaviors.
How to Accept Yourself
Once you learn to accept yourself, you will be able to have compassion for yourself, too. This will defeat any negative internal talk that you may have been practicing. Meditation is a strategy that you can use to achieve mindfulness in order to accept and empower yourself.
It helps those who practice meditation quiet the mind. A peaceful mind allows you to be fully in the present and accept emotions and thoughts.
For a peaceful meditation, choose a place where you will be comfortable to be more relaxed.
Some people choose to sit while meditating and others prefer to lie down. You can also practice mindful meditation while you are walking outside or in your home. Relax and focus on what is around you and how you are inhaling and exhaling.
Be aware of the sensations you feel and the emotions that you are experiencing. Another strategy that is often used is deep breathing. You can start this the same way that you would with mindful meditation where you find a comfortable place and begin.
But you can also practice deep breathing while you are active at home or at work. You focus on drawing in deep breaths and slowly release them.
Another strategy is mindful thought replacement. This method is a mindfulness cognitive behavioral technique. Rather than simply letting the thought pass through your mind, these are strategies that call for you to be aware of your thoughts. Whenever any negative self talk pops into your mind, you make a conscious choice to stop and correct the thought.
You correct it by replacing it with accepting words that help you accept yourself as you are. This helps you reprogram your thoughts to enable you to feel empowered rather than listening to words that hinder you and create self-doubt.
Why Living in the Moment is Difficult
Even though there are many benefits of living in the moment, it can often be difficult to do. All our lives we’ve been encouraged to think about the future and remember the past. Advertising, notifications, messages, reminders, alerts are all geared to what’s coming up or what happened previously. We tend to get caught up in what’s going on around us that we don’t pay attention to what’s happening in the moment.
Why is this a problem?
The problem comes from the stress, strain, wear, and tear of living on a day-to-day basis causing us emotional and physical problems.
Here are other factors that contribute to living in the now:
When you’re in the flow in what you’re doing and you end up getting pulled away from it by a notification on your phone. This pulls you away from the present and being aware. This is one reason living in the moment is difficult.
The basic nature of our mind is to dwell on our pas and worry about our future. We face a lot of uncertainty that causes anxiety when we live in the moment. When you are fully into the moment you aren’t thinking about what will happen in the next, which can cause worry about the future.
We have a hard time keeping focused on the moment. Our minds naturally wander. We have an innate ability to always be thinking, wandering, asking, pondering, and just having random thoughts.
We don’t worry about the present moment because it’s already decided. That means our mind naturally goes to the past or to predicting the future. We use our past as the basis for what the future will be. This tendency can get out of control, and we begin to see dangers that are not actually there.
There is comfort in the possibility of what’s to come, something that lies beyond today – hope. We have hope that tomorrow will be better than this moment, this now. So, we are constantly thinking of what is next.
These thoughts, assumptions and fears keep us from living in the present moment. It can be hard fighting these issues, but we are can change the tendencies of our brains. Practicing mindfulness helps us get stronger at it and makes it possible to overcome the harmful or destructive choices and make better ones
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My morning routine started the night before. It consisted of late-night social media posts, watching YouTube videos, and setting my alarm to 6:00 am but snoozing until 7:00 am. Hurriedly, I brushed my teeth and dressed for work.
But I needed to make a short stop before at Starbucks.
Why did the barista take so long to make me a flat tall white? Why were there so many people in line? Why didn’t I order from the iPhone app instead?
Does this sound familiar?
My mind was full of questions without any real answers. I stared at my watch as time ticked away. Clearly, I procrastinated by making excuses for myself.
This pattern repeated itself over time and what was supposed to be a joyous morning routine became painstaking when I arrived at the office. It became my new normal. I became accepting of this status quo of arriving rushed, flustered, and late.
And one day, my boss called me into his office. I thought that I was on the verge of losing my job.
It was like a scene of the Devil Wears Prada and I had to make a change right then and there. #befree #beyou
I took a centering breath remembering what I had once learned from Dr. Tara Brach that breathing will help me regain my balance. I inhaled, relaxed my body, and allowed my breath to connect to my inner wisdom and strength.
As I sat across my boss, I recognized the problem– I was a procrastinator. This was the hardest and most uncomfortable part of it all. But the recognition of the problem led me to a sense of acceptance. It wasn’t that I was accepting the status quo of becoming a procrastinator, but that I acknowledged that I was a procrastinator. I recognized the moment just as a moment without my mind adding more to it. It was the beginning of an act of mindfulness. I allowed the moment to happen and I offered my boss a cup of Starbucks coffee.
Then I probed the situation. Instead of asking the question of why I asked how.
How would I feel if I were the boss?
It was this act of investigating his feelings that led me away from my self-centered thinking. What was I believing? I started searching for truth without judgment.
But inside, I listened to those self-limiting beliefs that overpowered me. Yes, those beliefs that tell you that you are not good enough and that you are not worthy. I breathed and let them pass and concentrated on the moment.
I began by nurturing and showing self-compassion. I treated myself with child-like kindness. I imagined being bathed by a warm feeling that everything will be alright.
And it was. . .
In short, I started a morning routine because I wanted to be mindful of myself, others, and the time I spend with them. With this blog, I hope to inspire you to be kind to yourself. It’s never too late to start.
In my next post, I will show you how I developed a morning routine.
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My Sky Is The Limit 