self-esteem – My Sky Is The Limit

Self-blame refers to a person’s tendency to consider themselves at fault, especially when things don’t go as well as planned, even if the cause or events were beyond their control. A pattern of self-blame leads a person to feel constantly guilty and inferior.

Although the tendency to self-blame can make a person seem humble and unassuming, it can also inhibit them in becoming more creative and wanting to strive to do better.

People who have a persistent habit of blaming themselves for anything that goes wrong will usually avoid taking the initiative. This is because they prefer to stay inconspicuous so they won’t receive any extra needless attention. In doing so, they hope that others will have similar expectations of their capabilities.

Being self-critical is the act of telling ourselves negative and destructive thoughts, such as being inadequate, shameful, or a failure. We almost all have a tendency to be self-critical to some degree.

However, the problem begins when this becomes a habit; a negative, self-reinforcing loop. This is because constant self-criticism causes a person to become stuck with negative thoughts and emotions about themselves. They feel guilt and shame to the extent that they no longer feel any desire to achieve. If left unaddressed, this inaction can lead to depression or other mental health issues.

Self-criticism deprives an individual of being able to look at their own efforts or abilities objectively. It robs them of being able to engage in healthy self-reflection, which would allow them to be more accepting of any past mistakes.

We can get away with a little bit of self-blame and self-criticism occasionally. However, if we continually beat ourselves up and start to do it more often than not, then we may not be able to stop and do an objective reality check.

Remember, your mind is incredibly powerful. If you continually feed it with self-blaming and self-criticizing words, those words will get louder and more believed and ingrained. In turn this can increase your risk of developing anxiety or depression.

Self-criticism and self blame can be beneficial to some degree

Photo by Ron Lach on Pexels.com

They do help us ‘get real’ about ourselves. Sometimes we may be a little guilty of believing our own press. Some critical self-evaluation allows us to identify and accept our imperfections and take conscious steps to improve them. However, if self-blame and self-criticism become the norm, it can paralyze us into inaction.

Consequently, you will be hindered from achieving your full potential. Therefore, it’s important to keep self-blame and self-criticism within healthy levels. Simply, it should be a feedback mechanism, not a tool for consistent self-deprecation.

But what if being self-critical get out of hand? Could it be possible you hate yourself too much? Self-hatred is more than simply not liking yourself. When you suffer with self-hatred, you’ll constantly put yourself down and feel like you aren’t good at anything.

Here, we’ll look at what self-hatred is, the impact it can have on your life and how you can stop it in its tracks.

Understanding self-hatred

Self-hatred is basically like having a little bully sat inside your head. You will experience constant criticizing thoughts, pointing out your flaws and mistakes. Just some common self-hatred thoughts you might experience include:

You’re a loser
Why did you event try, you knew you would fail
You aren’t good enough
Why can’t you just be normal?

You’ll put yourself down and compare yourself to others frequently. Self-hatred tends to develop over time and is triggered by more than one event.

How can it impact your life?

Although self-doubt is healthy, self-hatred is not. If you struggle with self-hatred, it can have a devastating impact on your life. Often the feelings of self-hatred worsen over time and can lead to destructive behaviors as you try and numb the negative self-talk.

Many people who suffer with self-hatred go on to develop destructive behaviors such as cutting themselves, develop eating disorders or turn to drugs and alcohol. It can impact every aspect of your life including your relationships, your career, and the friends you include in your life. You may also stop caring about the things you used to enjoy and avoid things that make you feel better.

The impact it can have on your life makes it important to treat quickly, rather than ignore it. The question is, how can you eliminate self-hatred?

Ways to eliminate self-hatred from your life

There are many ways to eliminate self-hatred from your life. Learning how to tame your inner bully is a great first step. So, when you notice that inner voice telling you negative things about yourself, switch it around. Stop those negative thoughts in their tracks and turn them into a positive.

So, if your inner bully says, “you aren’t worth anything,” switch it to “I may feel like I am not worthy, but I know that I am.” The more you counteract the negative with positive thoughts, the more positive your mind will become.

You can also make a list of all your strengths. If you struggle to come up with some, ask those closest to you. When you focus on your strengths, you won’t be too caught up in your weaknesses.

Finally, work on building up self-compassion. That is, treat yourself the exact same way you would treat a good friend. Would you beat them up for making a mistake? If not, why do it to yourself?

Overall, self-hatred can be a powerful thing to overcome since it builds up over time. However, the tips above can help you to start quieten your inner bully and develop a little more self-compassion.

Try a mindfulness to be more nonjudgmental.

Mindfulness Steps To Keep Your Self-Blaming and Self-Criticism In Check

Focus your criticism on your behavior.

Behaviors can be changed. This is why when your inner voice starts to be critical, it is time to address your behaviors. Be careful not to criticize your attributes, as you can’t always change them, or need to. Your attributes are a part of your uniqueness.

If you blame yourself for not being super-intelligent, you run the risk of drowning in frustration and depression. If instead you more correctly blame or criticize your habit of spending too much time on your smartphone instead of studying, then chances are you can find ways to rectify the behavior, and therefore change the result.

2. Know the difference between taking responsibility and self-blaming.

Instead of being quick to blame or criticize yourself, try to assess the situation first. It is important that you look into every aspect of yourself, and see how your actions, inactions, and the words you have left unspoken, affected the entire outcome of the situation. Accept your mistakes and come up with ways on how you can improve yourself as well as the situation in the future.

2. Acknowledge your self-critical inner voice.

When your inner voice tells you that you are lazy, not worthy or inadequate, acknowledge these thoughts. Start by creating a journal of the things that you like about yourself, and your strengths. Creating this type of journal will help you appreciate yourself more and criticize yourself less.

If you work on improving yourself, your skills, abilities, and behavior you will find it easier to get rid of your negative self-critical inner voice.

Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.

— Golda Meir

Haven’t you noticed how confident individuals have a certain charm in how they present themselves? They have a swagger in their walk and a captivating smile. Confident individuals are self-assured. Confidence allows them to have a positive view of themselves. You can be like that too! You know how much you are able to achieve. But first, you will need to figure out the following: Can mindfulness increase your self-esteem?

The potential is definitely there. You need to trust that your instincts, thinking, and abilities are sufficient. When you don’t believe in yourself, you struggle to simply accept who you are. Basically, you question yourself because you don’t trust your thinking. Essentially, you live in self-doubt.

Learn to let go. You go through life feeling as if you’re not educated enough or talented enough. Then, you think that you are not pretty enough. You carry out an imposter syndrome, a collection of feeling inadequate if you reach a certain success.

How Imposter Syndrome Affects Your Self-Esteem

Initially, imposter syndrome was studied in white, upper-middle-class women. It was thought to be a phenomenon of over achievement in this population. Studies later showed that the imposter phenomenon was not an isolated event. Men also experienced imposter syndrome. A recent study shows that some minorities are vulnerable to imposter syndrome. Minority status can become a source of stress in achieving goals. The study showed that African American students reported higher minority status stress compared to Asian Americans and Hispanic students. However, Asian Americans reported greater imposter feelings. The researchers believed that many Asian American students have a higher inner pressure to achieve.

These lead us to think about our own inner pressures to avoid imposter syndrome. You judge yourself, thinking of what you should have said or done. You find that you fall short. So ask yourself, can mindfulness increase your self-esteem and how?

What mindfulness does to help you change your low self-esteem is to build your confidence. You replace the feelings that you’re not good enough with the trust that you are better. Using mindfulness calls for you to not dwell on any negative experiences where you feel that you failed.

It helps you to not focus on the future. It helps train your mind to focus on who you are right now. You see that who you are is simply good enough. You learn to accept yourself – and with that, you build strong confidence in yourself.

Ways that Mindfulness Can Boost Self-Esteem

Practicing mindfulness can boost your self-esteem. Mindfulness can lead you to a life being lived in the present. With living in the now comes a non-judgmental acceptance of who you are.

Many people have an internal voice. This internal voice has been conditioned to speak this negatively by us. The disturbing results are that when we allow this internal voice to have a negative way, we can trigger stress, anxiety, and even depression.

This self-talk impacts your well-being and how you feel about yourself. Learn to be aware of this negative self-talk. If you call yourself names, that’s a sign that you engage in negative self-talk.

Some people call themselves stupid. When they consider taking action this internal self-talk tells them why they can’t. You start telling yourself things like “I’m not smart or pretty enough”.

When you allow these thoughts to run wild, you can get into the mindset that you can’t do something. You feel unworthy and then your feelings follow that internal self-talk until it becomes a belief.

This habit can be so automatic within you that the negative self-talk plays constantly in your mind. It becomes like white noise. It buzzes and you get used to it. What mindfulness does is bring your attention to the inner dialogue that’s destroying your self-esteem.

You learn what this internal conversation is doing to harm you and how it’s impacting your emotions. Mindfulness helps you learn to accept yourself without expectations or blaming. You gain skills to raise your confidence and accept yourself.

With acceptance, we learn about ourselves. It helps us see that we are not perfect. People who aren’t accepting often blame others for all problems, even when it’s their fault.

The key is to find the right balance of learning about yourself and keeping up your self-esteem.

3 Top Confidence and Self-Esteem Boosters

Always evaluate each situation you find yourself involved in. Don’t make assumptions as they can be wrong, without the right information. You want to collect information to form a choice. You want to eliminate any possibility that might influence your thinking. For instance, you might believe that you are the cause of a problem without gathering any evidence. If you are the cause of a problem, own up to it and try to make the situation right.
Don’t just take the blame for everything. If you discover that you are not the cause, then speak up and let that be known. Self-critical people will tend to blame themselves automatically.
It’s important to pick your battles. If you find something minor that came up, you may want to be mindful and let it go.

If you find it difficult to trust yourself, it may be a sign that you lack confidence. You cannot develop any trust without confidence. Feel secure in your abilities and be strong in your convictions. But, know when to accept your faults.

Acceptance of your strengths and weaknesses helps in developing confidence. That may seem new to you. But think about it, no one is born with confidence. Confidence is a process that you learn to develop. You learn to have a swagger in your walk. You learn to portray yourself as self-assured. Take steps to develop your confidence and trusting yourself will flow.

The biggest detractor from confidence is fear. When you give in to your fears, you will diminish the chances of building up your confidence.

Start out with small steps that you have been afraid to try in the past. Many outcomes will turn out better than you imagine.

Visualize the positive. If you try to anticipate what will happen, and it is always a negative outcome, you will never make a decision.

Take on those small tasks without thinking about what will happen. Be mindful and open about the outcome. This action will build up your confidence as you’ve never seen before.

You should ask questions when you aren’t sure about the situations you face.

Confidence is not about having all the answers. It’s about knowing where to find them and whom to rely on with the knowledge that you need to move forward. It’s also about giving up on one way to solves a problem and finding a new solution.

Confidence is about taking responsibility for your choices and actions. When you make your decisions, you own them, even if they don’t work out. When you increase your confidence, you will automatically grow to trust yourself. Then, you can accomplish more than you ever imagined. Can mindfulness increase your self-esteem? Yes, it can especially if you use loving-kindness.

To learn more about loving-kindness listen to this free mini podcast:

Loving-Kindness Activities

These activities are proven to help your self-esteem. By following these activities you will learn to accept yourself. This is key to a loving-kindness practice. Remember not to be harsh towards yourself. Soften your stance to quiet the inner voice within you.

Free Printable:

How To Develop A Relationship
With Yourself Journal Worksheet

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